Where do I begin?

I am a woman who is ‘in the decade of 40s’, a wife, and the mother to two daughters.  I am also a RN.  All my life, since I was very little, I always wanted to become a nurse and dreamt about being a mom.  Giving birth to two healthy girls (after  a first, sadly and early lost pregnancy) was such an amazing and frightening experience.  Both births had their difficulties, but the resultant pink and crying wee babes made both experiences the highlights of my life. Having a supportive husband who is an awesome Dad, and being given the privilege of raising these two special, wonderful children is truly a blessing from God, for which I am truly thankful.

Motherhood is exciting, peaceful, joyful, hectic, worrysome, energy-filled and energy -burning work.  Up until 1.5 yrs ago, I thought I was doing a great job.  Thought that everything was going along tickity-boo and rosy.   Then I (and my husband) were slapped in the face by a reality which we never saw coming, never saw any evidence or signs of.  I’m not sure if I will continue this blog on WordPress, however, I wonder if having a place like this to write down my thoughts, fears and confusion might somehow help me come to a place of peace and clarity.  That somehow I will be able to travel from a place of guilt and regrets on towards a place of contentment.  I also have a deep, heart-wrenching longing for the health and wellbeing of both of my daughters, although one in particular at this moment of time needs this more from me than the other.

I am not sure who will read this post…other moms like me? I hope so.  And I pray that those moms who might be reading this right now will realize that they are doing the best that they know how. The best that they can do.  This job of motherhood did not come with a manual.  There was no detailed course we could attend and study.  There were no tests or essays to write, or assessments of our knowledge, skills and caring as mothers.  And currently there seems to be little to no support for moms with the concerns for their children like I have for one of mine.  I guess I have a longing for some sort of common support.  And a longing for prayers from afar.  And a longing for love, peace and joy.  And a longing for contentment about a ‘job well done’ and about sending both of my children onto their adult lives as healthy, productive, caring members of society.

Not sure how to end this initial post.  Guess I will simply sign off and save for now.

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