Feeling a wee bit frustrated today. It seems that there is no help for the difficulty our family and our youngest daughter, in particular, is going through. How do I impress on “professionals” that I KNOW my kid and I BELIEVE that she has been seriously and tragically mislead? Even possibly brainwashed. How do I impress this on “professionals” when what we and she is going through is seen these days as “normal”? How do I let them know that, No, I am NOT in complete denial about the situation we/she is in but that I know, in my heart of heart that this is WRONG and not the way things were supposed to turn out to be? How do I get them to understand that I have NEVER HAD nor do I currently have ANY EVIDENCE for what she is claiming to be true? How do I get past my Anger about our society, schools, GSA clubs, and overall Socially Constructed Crazyness? How do I get over being SO ANGRY with the internet and some of the crazy people who post crazy things there, for young people to see and impress into their own hearts?
I thought that perhaps I had found someone who could help. A professional with a different point of view…a more practical, caring point of view. Who has a realization that sometimes, like in my family, things are not as they seem and that other issues need to be assessed for and treated properly. Who believes that the risks, as well of benefits, of different treatments need to be carefully weighed.
This professional is based far from me, in a different country. We are blessed to have the means to travel there, to get help for our daughter. We would go to the ends of the earth for our daughter and her health, peace and happiness. She is a part of my heart <3. I have emailed this professional, asking if they would be willing to help us. NO- I did not email them all of the MESSY, UGLY DETAILS of our situation and our daughters beliefs. I just wanted to have a reply from this professional, and then decide how much to reveal and how far to go. I received one short reply, telling me that she rarely checks the email address I sent this to and not giving me any details re any other ways to contact her. I found a second email address thru the web, and have tried contacting her that way…still waiting, praying for at least a reply.
I keep holding on to the constant praying that I am doing. Clutching tightly to my faith in Christ- that everything will turn out okay in the end. Pushing back the worry, and the absolute fear and loneliness I feel at times. Clinging to what I’ve been raised to believe is right and true. To what I KNOW is TRUE! That all of us are fearfully and wonderfully created. It drains my energy and my joy, but I need to persevere. Need to keep researching my way through this crazyness. Need to find perspective and truth. Need to find help for my daughter.
My heart is breaking. Tears fall at the most inconvenient and unexpected times :(. I have to focus on being intentionally “happy”, intentionally “okay”. Sometimes I feel like I am nearing depression, or anxiety or both. I am knowlegable about these disorders and I am constantly monitoring my feelings and actions. It’s very tiresome. Sucks the energy out of me at times.
Two weeks until my youngest daughter turns 18. We should be happy and looking forward to the future. Instead we are concerned, worried and sad. I hate that we’re going through this. I hate that the “world” has changed her from a happy, bouncy, laughing little girl into a confused, moody, and mislead young person. She suffers from dysphoria for which there really is no cure…not as I see it anyway. Not with permanent scars. I worry that something traumatic has happened to her which she has never told us. I worry about the voices in her head and the thought of her cutting again makes my heart scream. I keep praying. Keep praying and begging for truth about this. My heart is screaming. Crying.
Thank you for listening. Just needed a moment to get these thoughts out of my head.