The Pain of Being Real: Worth Reading, I Think.

I read an essay on The Establishment by a non-binary person explaining why they quit testosterone. There’s so much in it about race, the ways race and gender build on each other, and then feeling condescended to and feeling unseen, so there were experiences in it I could relate to and experiences I couldn’t. So much deep […]

via The Pain of Being Real — Words by Maria Catt

Advertisements

Do No Harm: An interview with the founder of Youth Trans Critical Professionals — 4thWaveNow

A new organization has formed for therapists, social workers, medical doctors, educators, and other professionals concerned about the rise in transgender diagnoses among children, adolescents, and young adults. Youth Trans Critical Professionals was founded by a psychotherapist and a university professor just a few short weeks ago. The organization has a website (already publishing thought-provoking […]

via Do No Harm: An interview with the founder of Youth Trans Critical Professionals — 4thWaveNow

US conversion therapy laws: Conflating homophobia with helping gender-defiant kids feel whole

Sharing this detailed, well-researched, informative post. Hoping to reach others who might find this information useful in helping to keep our children’s healthy bodies from being damaged by off-label hormones and dangerous surgeries. Our children are fine in the bodies which they were born in and, as “gender” is a social construction, perhaps changing our societal views on what “gender” means, would be a good place to start.

 

Source: US conversion therapy laws: Conflating homophobia with helping gender-defiant kids feel whole

Child gender identity referrals increase 930% in six years- UK

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-35532491

This heading of this post was the title of this BBC article when I first saw it yesterday.  Today I checked the link and the title had been edited.

Um. Is it just me, or should this numerical statistic alone not be a huge red flag, for the UK and for elsewhere in the “western” world?

 

Putting It All Out There and Hoping for Understanding, Not Backlash

Before starting this blog, I spent many hours researching the Internet, seeking information from those parents who were questioning their daughters’ perceptions about their perceived gender dysphoria/thinking they are “transgender”. It’s been difficult to find information which challenge the current trendy trans-crazyness.   Parents who question this transgender propaganda and agenda have been vilified and accused of being transphobic and that they are the cause of the suicides of teenagers.  This is not true!  Having parents who question or challenge does NOT cause a teenager to commit suicide.  Undiagnosed or poorly/untreated Clinical Depression causes people to commit suicide. We love our kids and long for them to keep them away from harm.

In the last few weeks, I’ve read about 4 different parents who are in a situation similar to mine. I have also been in contact with 2 parents via the wonderful world of the interweb and email. We are travelling this similar, difficult path on different roadways.  We are trying to navigate a virtual sea of mis-information and misguided assumptions. We love and worry about our young daughters. They are a part of our hearts.  Our situations are different and yet, at the same time, eerily similar or the same. Our paths have crossed and I am so glad to know that I am not alone. It is reassuring.  Any other mothers/parents out there…I hope that you will contact me. Knowing that we are not alone is empowering and also gives us hope.

Two years ago, our then 16-year-old daughter suddenly told us she thought that “maybe I should be a boy”. We had not seen any past or current evidence that this is the case. She has never previously complained about anything related to gender.  Unbeknownst to us at the time, she had been spending time “researching” on the internet and using YouTube videos to get her information.  As soon as we found out, the laptop (which had been in her bedroom) was taken out and she was made to do any internet stuff in plain view/public spaces in our house. By the time we did this, though, I believe she had already been brainwashed into thinking this as being her reality. See www.transgenderreality.com    The information online which the folks running this website are uncovering and exposing is truly disturbing and scary.

My daughter has always been socially/emotionally young compared to other girls her age. She remains very socially/emotionally young when compared to other graduating grade 12 girls.  She is also very academically smart (just below the “gifted” status). She excels in subjects like Math and Physics. She is also very musical and actively involved with technical theatre.  She was a bit behind her peers in development of physical secondary sex characteristics. However, that being said, her physical development happened over a very short time at about age 16 (around the time of her reported discomfort). I can certainly understand her confusion in comparing herself with other high school girls her age and a feeling of not belonging in that category.  Recently she purchased 3 chest binders through Ebay. Aside from all the physical risks associated with chest binders, I am also worried that her wearing these binders will not help her supposed “dysphoria” get better, but will only serve to make her discomfort worse.

I am a Registered Nurse. I work with a family doctor who is seen as being “trans friendly”. I worked with him for 2 years before my daughter first spoke of her feelings. I have cared for a number of both MtF and FtM transgender young people. I am keenly aware that many of them have co-morbid psychological issues, not the least of which is Depression. And I have yet to meet any of them who are truly “happy”. I have had to change the dressings from a lower arm donor site on an FTM patient who recently had a phalloplasty surgical procedure. The donor site was ¾ the diameter of the lower arm and ran from just above the wrist to just below the elbow.  The diameter of that arm now is substantially smaller than the arm which has had not surgery done to it. The donor arm will never look the same again.  I have absolutely no issue calling this surgery “mutilation”, as this donor/muscle and tissue removal surgery was not performed to remove anything dangerous like cancer or flesh eating bacteria.  Also, the vagina was not cancerous or dangerous, and yet it’s been obliterated.  The patient is only 24 years old.  Will she end up having “regrets”?  I don’t know.

I do know that the first hospital to perform “SRS” surgeries stopped doing so when they realized that there was no benefits from this procedure for their patients.  I also know that, no matter what the number is (41%, 25%) the suicide rate for transgender people is significantly higher than people who are not transgender, and that this rate is significantly higher, whether or not the transgender person goes through SRS surgery(ies).  This frightens me, as a parent, and causes me to think that the medical and psychiatric professionals are missing something.  There is no other mental health issue which “requires” surgery as a treatment.  This current focus on “transgender” as “normal” could actually be a smoke screen for other mental health issues- which could be treatable or manageable without surgical or harmful medications.

As our daughter has recently turned 18, I worry that she will make life changing decisions and live to regret them and it will be beyond my parental control (whatever that term means, exactly).  My husband and I keep letting her know she is loved and that she is a beautiful and amazing person. We hope and pray that, as she gets older and becomes more socially/emotionally mature, she will discover this for herself.  She is beautifully female-bodied and her gender is simply the essence inside her body.  I pray she will one day focus on changing her world and not her body.

Sad today with a hurting heart and weary spirit

It has been a year and a half since my husband and I learned about what my daughter was thinking, researching and  what she believes about herself.  I have spent countless hours praying, thinking, crying, pleading, loving, regretting, worrying, feeling angry, helpless, hopeless.  I have lost 10 pounds which I didn’t need to lose- which do make my jeans fit a bit nicer but certainly doesn’t make my spirit brighter. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep and hours of joy.  I feel so sad, so worried, so tired.  My husband loves and  has concern for our daughter and loves and is concerned about me, but he is a “black and white” thinker -who is used to creating solutions which solve concrete problems.  This time something has happened and is happening to our daughter that we can’t fix.  It’s not a “solvable”problem.  And it’s something nobody else, no professional can or is willing to  help solve or fix.  As harsh as this will sound, it would have been easier if our daughter had cancer…there would be so much help for her and for us.  Because her situation is seen, by society, as “normal”, it is viewed as not needing to be “fixed”.  But, because I AM Mom, and because she is and always has been a part of my heart, and because I have seen and felt NO evidence past and present for this being “normal”,  I know that this needs to be “solved”. It needs to be fixed.  I am trying to rely on my faith in God and trust that my continual prayers, through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, will be heard by Him.  Trying to hold faith that “things will turn out okay” (a chinese fortune cookie paper, taped inside a cupboard in my bathroom—I read it every morning when I pull out my skin care products). As time passes and I see no positive signs, it is so hard to keep my faith.  I have to cling to it with all of my heart. I have to fight the thoughts and feelings I believe the Devil sometimes puts into my mind.  I am so sad, so angry, feeling so alone at times.

Our society is changing and there is much more freedom and opportunity for girls than there was when I was her age.  While this is a positive thing, it also can have negative effects.  Society begins to accept that everything which once was seen as strange and wrong is actually okay.  And I don’t completely disagree with this thinking.  I do, however, also know that sometimes when someone thinks they are “different” and that this is “okay”- they are completely mistaken.  There are documented cases of regret. Also suicides.  I believe that my daughter has been tragically mislead.  I am angry with the internet.  With the sometimes crazy voices which are always so loud and so “right”.  I am angry with our society which accepts her thinking as correct, when I know in my heart of hearts who she is.  I am so upset with the lumping together of people with sexual attraction differences and those who are so uncomfortable in their own skin that they think they need to be the opposite of what they were created to be.  Sexual attraction and Body Dysphoria are two totally different personal situations, and yet they have been lumped together.

We are all just humans, trying to make our way through our lives on this earth.  To work, learn, eat, sleep and love.   Currently society has this need for labels about how we feel about ourselves, our bodies, and how we feel about others…heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, gay, straight, boy, girl.  Sometimes there doesn’t have to be any LABELS for how we are feeling…we just ARE.