The Pain of Being Real: Worth Reading, I Think.

I read an essay on The Establishment by a non-binary person explaining why they quit testosterone. There’s so much in it about race, the ways race and gender build on each other, and then feeling condescended to and feeling unseen, so there were experiences in it I could relate to and experiences I couldn’t. So much deep […]

via The Pain of Being Real — Words by Maria Catt

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Rapid-onset gender dysphoria: New study recruiting parents

Please share this link! And please complete the survey if you have a child who has undergone rapid onset gender dysphoria. Finally there’s a professional gathering information about this.

https://4thwavenow.com/2016/07/02/rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria-new-study-recruiting-parents

US conversion therapy laws: Conflating homophobia with helping gender-defiant kids feel whole

Sharing this detailed, well-researched, informative post. Hoping to reach others who might find this information useful in helping to keep our children’s healthy bodies from being damaged by off-label hormones and dangerous surgeries. Our children are fine in the bodies which they were born in and, as “gender” is a social construction, perhaps changing our societal views on what “gender” means, would be a good place to start.

 

Source: US conversion therapy laws: Conflating homophobia with helping gender-defiant kids feel whole

Introducing a new, global organization for parents skeptical of the “trans kid” trend

Prayerfully hopeful that the pendulum will start to swing back.

4thWaveNow

I’m happy to announce the launch of Transgender Trend, an international organization created by and for parents who are questioning the accelerating trend to diagnose children and adolescents as “transgender.

Transgender Trend, started by parents from the UK, the US, and Canada, aims to be a source of information and support for anyone who wants to challenge the pediatric “transition” narrative that has swept the Western world in the last several years. In addition, the organization intends to issue press releases, and to be a voice for parents, family members, and supportive friends who have been seeking–so far without success–to reach others who share their doubts and concerns.

The website (still in development) features an FAQ, links to and synopses of research studies, quotes from doctors, researchers, and psychologists, and a blog. It’s expected that the site will grow over time. Comments and questions are very welcome, but p

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Boosting My Hopefulness: a Tumblr post

I am sharing a post which I recently found on tumblr.  I am keeping the poster and the forwarder anonymous to protect them.  This is not “transphobic”.  This is information about one person/family’s experience.  It boosted my hopefulness today.

I want to share a story with you because I really admire the opinions you share on your blog, and the way you are handling the situation with your child. You are doing the right thing, no matter what anyone says. You get so much undeserved hate, and handle it very graciously. I’m hoping this story will help people understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.

My sister believed she was transgendered for at least 7 years. She had dysphoria and had done tons of research and had gone to see multiple therapists for years. She did hormone therapy for at least 4 years.

She had depression and anxiety and other problems that were showing in such a way that she truly felt like she should’ve been born male. But this is not at all how she feels now. She deeply regrets going through the hormone therapy all the time, and it breaks my heart. The testosterone changed her body permanently, especially her voice, and she’s very self conscious about it. She loves to sing, but she has a bass range now, so she doesn’t sing nearly as much as she used to. I’m just glad that all she did was hormone therapy, and she didn’t transition in any other way. If she had, I don’t even know if she would be alive right now, and that’s so scary to think about.

I am positive that if she didn’t make these permanent changes to herself, she would be much, much happier now and have way less stress and anxiety.

This is why it is extremely important to not transition right away if you believe you are transgendered. Even if you KNOW you are, and KNOW you’d be happier if you transitioned, you could still be completely wrong. You could be making the biggest mistake of your life. You need to talk to many different psychologists, and try as hard as you can to find any other cause for your feelings. You need to analyze your entire brain, and work on your self confidence, and focus on family, friends, and hobbies, and try to make peace with yourself as hard as you can. You may feel like you won’t be happy until you transition, but you have to try to be with all your being before you do. Please. If someone wants to transition, it needs to be something that they are so sure of that they’ve waited for maybe ten years before they do it. These are PERMANENT changes, and if you realize you made a mistake after they’re made, you can’t just change your mind and get rid of them.

I fully support transgendered people, but many people (especially people under 21) who think they are transgendered will end up realizing in the end that they’re not. And if you are still a teenager, there is NO WAY you can know for sure if you are transgendered or not. Your brain isn’t fully developed and nobody at that age knows who they are or what they want. It’s especially difficult for the people who don’t have an understanding family, because it makes them feel more alienated and it’s harder for them to know if they can ever be happy in the body they’re in. People in the tumblr community (especially sjws and feminists) do not help with this at all. It’s good that people are becoming so accepting of trans people, but they’ve almost become too accepting. So accepting that too many people don’t realize how huge of a decision transitioning is, and how much it could potentially negatively affect you later in your life. And if someone points these things out, they get yelled at for being transphobic, or even told to kill themselves. It’s a terrible thing, and it’s truly frightening. And all we can really do is raise awareness and hope that people will start understanding more.

“This is why it is extremely important to not transition right away if you believe you are transgendered. Even if you KNOW you are, and KNOW you’d be happier if you transitioned, you could still be completely wrong. You could be making the biggest mistake of your life….. It’s good that people are becoming so accepting of trans people, but they’ve almost become too accepting. So accepting that too many people don’t realize how huge of a decision transitioning is, and how much it could potentially negatively affect you later in your life.”

Sad today with a hurting heart and weary spirit

It has been a year and a half since my husband and I learned about what my daughter was thinking, researching and  what she believes about herself.  I have spent countless hours praying, thinking, crying, pleading, loving, regretting, worrying, feeling angry, helpless, hopeless.  I have lost 10 pounds which I didn’t need to lose- which do make my jeans fit a bit nicer but certainly doesn’t make my spirit brighter. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep and hours of joy.  I feel so sad, so worried, so tired.  My husband loves and  has concern for our daughter and loves and is concerned about me, but he is a “black and white” thinker -who is used to creating solutions which solve concrete problems.  This time something has happened and is happening to our daughter that we can’t fix.  It’s not a “solvable”problem.  And it’s something nobody else, no professional can or is willing to  help solve or fix.  As harsh as this will sound, it would have been easier if our daughter had cancer…there would be so much help for her and for us.  Because her situation is seen, by society, as “normal”, it is viewed as not needing to be “fixed”.  But, because I AM Mom, and because she is and always has been a part of my heart, and because I have seen and felt NO evidence past and present for this being “normal”,  I know that this needs to be “solved”. It needs to be fixed.  I am trying to rely on my faith in God and trust that my continual prayers, through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, will be heard by Him.  Trying to hold faith that “things will turn out okay” (a chinese fortune cookie paper, taped inside a cupboard in my bathroom—I read it every morning when I pull out my skin care products). As time passes and I see no positive signs, it is so hard to keep my faith.  I have to cling to it with all of my heart. I have to fight the thoughts and feelings I believe the Devil sometimes puts into my mind.  I am so sad, so angry, feeling so alone at times.

Our society is changing and there is much more freedom and opportunity for girls than there was when I was her age.  While this is a positive thing, it also can have negative effects.  Society begins to accept that everything which once was seen as strange and wrong is actually okay.  And I don’t completely disagree with this thinking.  I do, however, also know that sometimes when someone thinks they are “different” and that this is “okay”- they are completely mistaken.  There are documented cases of regret. Also suicides.  I believe that my daughter has been tragically mislead.  I am angry with the internet.  With the sometimes crazy voices which are always so loud and so “right”.  I am angry with our society which accepts her thinking as correct, when I know in my heart of hearts who she is.  I am so upset with the lumping together of people with sexual attraction differences and those who are so uncomfortable in their own skin that they think they need to be the opposite of what they were created to be.  Sexual attraction and Body Dysphoria are two totally different personal situations, and yet they have been lumped together.

We are all just humans, trying to make our way through our lives on this earth.  To work, learn, eat, sleep and love.   Currently society has this need for labels about how we feel about ourselves, our bodies, and how we feel about others…heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, gay, straight, boy, girl.  Sometimes there doesn’t have to be any LABELS for how we are feeling…we just ARE.

 

Where do I begin?

I am a woman who is ‘in the decade of 40s’, a wife, and the mother to two daughters.  I am also a RN.  All my life, since I was very little, I always wanted to become a nurse and dreamt about being a mom.  Giving birth to two healthy girls (after  a first, sadly and early lost pregnancy) was such an amazing and frightening experience.  Both births had their difficulties, but the resultant pink and crying wee babes made both experiences the highlights of my life. Having a supportive husband who is an awesome Dad, and being given the privilege of raising these two special, wonderful children is truly a blessing from God, for which I am truly thankful.

Motherhood is exciting, peaceful, joyful, hectic, worrysome, energy-filled and energy -burning work.  Up until 1.5 yrs ago, I thought I was doing a great job.  Thought that everything was going along tickity-boo and rosy.   Then I (and my husband) were slapped in the face by a reality which we never saw coming, never saw any evidence or signs of.  I’m not sure if I will continue this blog on WordPress, however, I wonder if having a place like this to write down my thoughts, fears and confusion might somehow help me come to a place of peace and clarity.  That somehow I will be able to travel from a place of guilt and regrets on towards a place of contentment.  I also have a deep, heart-wrenching longing for the health and wellbeing of both of my daughters, although one in particular at this moment of time needs this more from me than the other.

I am not sure who will read this post…other moms like me? I hope so.  And I pray that those moms who might be reading this right now will realize that they are doing the best that they know how. The best that they can do.  This job of motherhood did not come with a manual.  There was no detailed course we could attend and study.  There were no tests or essays to write, or assessments of our knowledge, skills and caring as mothers.  And currently there seems to be little to no support for moms with the concerns for their children like I have for one of mine.  I guess I have a longing for some sort of common support.  And a longing for prayers from afar.  And a longing for love, peace and joy.  And a longing for contentment about a ‘job well done’ and about sending both of my children onto their adult lives as healthy, productive, caring members of society.

Not sure how to end this initial post.  Guess I will simply sign off and save for now.